It is in bad form, really bad form, to ask a woman about her plans regarding pregnancy and babies. When/Are you going to have a baby is not a polite or an appropriate question to pose–ever.
Many people will certainly disagree with this commentary. I know this to be true due to the many (countless) people who continue to ask so frequently about my plans.
Asking about babies and pregnancy is in bad form because you never know what another person’s business really is. I confirmed with Amy Vanderbilt’s Complete Book of Etiquette (50th Anniversary Edition) where she states “It may be a painful subject. This is not a question that should ever be asked”.
It may not always be a painful subject–the truthful answer could simply be–we’re having too much fun, we’re just not ready or we don’t want children at this time. But imagine if you will, the very real possibility of the honest answer being:
Thank you for bringing this issue up–we have been trying for years. So happy you asked–I can never have children. I appreciate you bringing attention to this issue–I just had a miscarriage…
Bottom line–don’t ask questions regarding pregnancy. Not only is it impolite and in bad form, the truth is that you never, ever, know what actual business may be going on.
One Response to “Etiquette Commentaries #3 — Just Don’t Ask”
Leave a Reply to Heidrun Bernard Cancel reply
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Cannot seriously enough reinforce Kitty’s comments on this serious subject. I know of a couple more cases of young(!) women insisting against their doctor’s recommendation and they were right. When one is young one cannot imagine that this is happening, but it can happen at any time of life. Be gentle with yourself and watch over your body as something precious. There is only one body per life! Thank you Catherine for this kind of a wake-up call!